


Filosofizing 4: Return of Dennis

by ghoulette13



Series: Boys' Night Universe [9]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dirty Talk, Humor, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Voyeurism, talks of CharMacDen, talks of MacDennis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 19:11:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21463099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulette13/pseuds/ghoulette13
Summary: Charlie tells Mac about his vision of Dennis' return. And Charlie has a Dennis fantasy.----------“We let him go, though!”“I know! ”“So then what the fuck are you talking about?”“Dude, I just… I just know he’s coming back.” Charlie settled into his seat. “Like… I’ve spent a lot of time just looking at my own two feet, you know? But when I look up and I see that there’s other people around--it just kinda makes sense, you know?”“That does not clarify anything, Charlie.”
Relationships: Charlie Kelly/Dennis Reynolds, Charlie Kelly/Mac McDonald
Series: Boys' Night Universe [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1332182
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Filosofizing 4: Return of Dennis

**Author's Note:**

> AN AU WHERE…. Charlie never bangs the waitress, he heals his childhood trauma, and he spent several years watching Mac and Dennis play ‘sex games’ in a secret event they all called "Boys’ Night." It's a very CharMacDen story.
> 
> FYI:: This contains a lot of references to previous stories in the series.

They had been sitting in the hazy room for a while, just watching the dust sparkle in the golden light through the windows and nodding to each other about nothing in particular. The radio had cut out an hour ago and they were listening to a low static hum.

Charlie’s mind was venturing all over the place, still sorting through 30 years of his mental vault and finding half of it full of memories without any real meaning. Just hidden away for mental security. _ Better safe than sorry! _ His brain would say each day as he stuffed another 24 hours behind him. _ Don't bother looking back! _ He would tell himself, ankles heavy with chains and trash and an array of miscellaneous debris that maybe if he would just look at for a second, he could kick a few weights away. But the sheer capacity and volume of his pain had been too overwhelming to even _ acknowledge _ most days. So he had kept on truckin til eventually, when all his own suicidal efforts failed, and he faced another death that was _ out _ of his control ( _ Never going on a cruise again… _), something sent him down to the weights on his ankles. Maybe just to admit that they were there. And starting from that. 

The buzz of Mac’s brain started to pick up speed again as he combed through years of religious obsession and confusion. But there were key phrases, key explanations and insight from certain priests and books and pamphlets that felt soothing to his gut. Key words that felt true to his soul and his internal voice. It was an exhausting endeavor, but he was coming out the other side. He rounded his back--his muscles a little sore from his earlier dance class and preceding work-out. His nods turned a little more sure and persistent and the sound of his growling stomach was lost in the room’s daze. 

Charlie began to mirror him, agreeing with the change of pace, adding his own firm expressions of certainty. _ Yes, yes, yes, _ he thought. _ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. _ His lips curled into his teeth. _ Yep, yep, yep. _

Their nods grew faster.

Charlie started rolling his neck and shoulders and swinging his torso to-and-fro.

Mac started patting his legs and wiggling in his seat. 

The bed began to squeak in their full-bodied affirmations.

“Yep,” said Mac as he slowed back down.

“Yeaahhhhh,” Charlie groaned, following suit.

They both sighed and decelerated.

“Dude,” Charlie began with a strained voice. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while and like… if Dennis still out there and like… alive and shit--”

“He is,” Mac interrupted. “He texted me the other day.”

Charlie perked and coughed, reaching for his beer. “What’d it say?”

“It said--” Mac held his hand up in the air, moving across with each word he spoke flatly. “--‘Yes I’m alive asshole.”

Charlie pulled his chin to his neck and gave Mac a confused look. “Wait, did you text him _ first? _ ”

The other man huffed with a smile. “Nope.”

“Alright, alright.” Charlie nodded with even more certainty. He took a sip from his drink before gesturing with the bottle. “Look dude, he’s only _ lasted this long _ ‘cause he’s getting help.”

Mac’s mind and eyes went to a dozen places at once. “Wait, like what kind of help?”

“You know, like therapy or like meds and shit.”

“_ Really? _ ”

“Yeah, dude. _ Think _ about it. This is _ Dennis. _ And he had _ Frank _ for a dad. He can’t handle a _ kid! _ Idiot can’t even handle _ us _sometimes.”

“True.” Mac nodded with his brows pinched.

“He’s gonna reach a breaking point and I think it’s gonna be soon, man. Especially since he like… just texted you that or whatever.” His eyes grew wide in a mild panic. “So like, W-w-we gotta be ready, dude. Like, _ he’s _ a dad now and shit.”

“Shit, you’re_ right. _ ”

“I _ know _, man.”

“What do we need to do, though?” Mac stared into space, questioningly. He blinked back to the present. “Oh _ shit! _ Do you think he’ll bring the kid with him?”

“_ Hahaha! _ No way in _ hell! “ _ Charlie threw his head back and waved. “He’s gonna wanna get _ as far away as possible _ from that screaming little _ shit! _”

Mac laughed. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Okay, so like, let’s start plannin’--”

“Dude, I don’t know.” Mac sighed. “I feel like we’ve talked about this. Like, we can’t get our hopes up.”

“Dude, we’re _ not _ getting our hopes up. We’re being _ realistic. _”

“Eeeeehhhh, I don’t think so, man.” Mac shook his head. “I think we’re just going to get our hopes up and make ourselves miserable if we start, you know, ‘preparing’ for his return or whatever.”

“Dude, I’m _ telling _ you.” He pointed at Mac before pointing down. “It’s _ happening. _ I _ know _ it’s happening. I can _ feel _ it. I can _ feel _ it with my eyeballs, dude.”

_ This again? _ Mac rolled his eyes. “Dude, you _ cannot _see the future.”

“I swear to god I _ can, _ sometimes!” Charlie wagged his head in indignation. “ _ Sometimes! _“

Mac groaned. “You have _ got _to be kidding me, dude.”

“I’m _not!_ I’ll _tell _you, asshole! You wanna talk all the time about that _god-connection energy shit! _You wanna go _on and on_ about connecting to other people! We lived our _entire lives--”_ He pointed to the center of the bed. “RIGHT next to Dennis! We know him better than _anyone_ else! We can _feel_ that fucking energy all the time, even if he’s not here! He’s feelin’ it, too! He just _texted_ you!”

“_ We let him go _, though!”

“I _ know! _”

“So then what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Dude, I just… I just _ know _ he’s coming back.” Charlie settled into his seat. “Like… I’ve spent a lot of time just looking at my own two feet, you know? But when I look up and I see that there’s other people around--it just kinda _ makes sense _, you know?”

“That does not clarify _ anything _, Charlie.”

Charlie groaned. “Okay, uhhhh….” He held his fist to his forehead to gather his thoughts. “So it’s like this.” He threw his hand out. “Me, you, and Dennis spent _ so _ much time together for _ so _ many years and like, sometimes when I just go to the store or walk down the street it just feels empty without someone on both sides of me, you know?”

Mac’s brows shot up. _ Huh, _ he thought. _ That’s happened to me, too. _ “Okay. Okay. I hear ya on _ that _one.” 

“_ Right?” _Charlie’s eyes brightened. “But then for a while it was just me and you, you know?”

Mac grinned and turned his gaze to the other man. “And it’s been _ awesome! _” 

“_ Right?! _ ” Charlie yelled in excitement, before suddenly dropping his voice. “But like, I had a _ really _ good day the other day. Like, I was just walking through the sewers and just having fun. Like, not even lookin’ for _ rings _ and shit. Just _ doin’ _ it because I wanted to go on an _ adventure _ and like, I’m walking and I’m feeling good.” He stared out ahead and rolled his body. “I’m out there _ vibing _ , dude. I’m one with the planet and shit and just being in the moment and it was like…” He closed his eyes and touched his temple. “In my head, I saw a _ path _ in front of me.” He opened his eyes again and turned to Mac. “Like a _ dirt _ path and my brain was like ‘Hey, this is your future’, so I’m like ‘Okay, cool’ and then _ you _ were standing on one side of me and then on the other side like…” He sighed and shook his head. “I like… _ felt _ Dennis, dude. Like I felt him like he was standing _ right _next to me.” He stared at Mac. “Dude. Dennis is coming back.”

Mac glared in response, but somehow maintained a softness to his expression. “Dude, how _ high _ were you?”

“_ Uh! No! _ ” Charlie flustered and shook his index finger. “I was just fucking _ high _ on _ god! _ ”

“You were_ not _ just _ high _ on _ god! _” 

“So, _ what!?” _ Charlie shouted with a smile. “I still fucking _ felt _ it in my _ gut, _ dude! You’re the one who taught me that _ shit! _ ” He dropped his grin and pretended to cry. “I learned the god-connection energy shit from watching _ you!! _ ” Mac laughed and Charlie turned his expression serious and lawyer-y. He clapped his palms together. “Now _ you _ gotta listen and learn some god-shit from _ me _.”

“Fine, fine!” Mac backed off with a roll of his eyes and a smile on his face. “Just chill out.”

“I do not apologize for my outburst, Mac. ” Charlie bristled. “This is something that I’m very _ passionate _ about and I feel like I _ deserve _your respect for it.”

Mac sighed, trying to reach out and feel what Charlie was feeling. But there were so many walls in the way. “So when you saw that _ vision _ \--” he said mockingly. “--or whatever, how did you know it was for _ real _ and not just your _ imagination _? ”

Charlie relaxed back into his seat, thankful for Mac’s efforts to understand. “Because it was just … so _ clear. _ And like… it happened in a flash, you know? Like it all happened at once and then my brain had to catch up. It was like: Boom. There’s my future. Boom. Mac’s on this side.” He pointed to his right. “Boom. Someone else is on this side.” He pointed to his left. “And it didn’t feel like the person on this side was like missing, you know? It didn’t feel empty. It felt like… like I was saving a seat, you know what I mean? Like you know the difference between like ‘Hey the seat next to me feels empty’ over ‘the seat next to me is saved for my friend.’” Charlie waited for Mac to nod in response. “And like _ because _ it happened so fast, my brain couldn’t look around and get lost in it or whatever. Like, it kept it so _ simple. _ ”

“What kept it simple?”

“Huh?”

“You said, ‘it’ kept it simple. What was keeping it simple for you?”

“The _ god-connection energy _ , dude. Like you said.” He touched his stomach. “I _ felt _ it.”

“Okay, okay.” Mac nodded in thought. “And _ how _ did you know it was _ Dennis? _ It could’ve been anyone."

“Dude.” Charlie scoffed. “I know Dennis. I know what he feels like and… it was totally him.” 

“I mean… I guess.” Mac shook his head, still trying to piece it all together. “Okay. If you really think this is going to happen like, for real.” He looked up quickly. “This is for real, right? You’re not just fucking with me?”

“I’m being for real, man.” Charlie looked at him peacefully. “Dennis is coming back.”

Mac sighed. “Shit, alright then. Uhh…. We gotta get ready! Uhhh… like, dude.” He pointed at Charlie. “We gotta clean out this _ room! _”

“_ Right! _ ” Charlie said excitedly. “And like, we gotta replace all his liquor--”

“Oh shit, dude!” Mac grimaced and sank in his shoulders. “What are we gonna do about his _ car? _ ”

Charlie’s eyes popped. “Shit. Uhh…” They sat and thought for a moment before Charlie broke the silence and threw his palm up. “Maybe he’ll forget he _ had _a car?”

“I don’t think he’s gonna forget he had a _ car. _ ” Mac said incredulously. “That _ car _ was his _ own child _ before his _ actual child _ came along.”

“Shit, you’re right.” Charlie hummed in thought but his brain was offering up nothing. “You know what? Fuck it.” He shrugged. “Let’s call it uhh… payback for leaving us?” The last words came out rising in pitch. He was really hoping it would be enough for Mac.

Mac chuckled. “At this point, yeah, why not?” 

Charlie’s mind was already shifting to the next problem after considering the car issue handled. “Oh shit, man. We gotta make sure that _ we’re _ ready, too!”

Mac shrugged. “Pfft. I’m _ so _ fucking ready. I’m gonna kick his ass _ so _hard if he comes back.”

Charlie groaned. “Wow, okay. So you’re _ not _ ready. You’re not ready _ at all _ . You’re like, the _ opposite _ of ready.”

“What? I’m _ ready! _ I just--”

“_ Maaaac! _ ” Charlie called out in a condescending, sing-song voice and the other man groaned this time. “We don’t wanna kick people’s _ asses _ , remember? We want them to _ change. _”

** _Fucking_ ** _ Charlie using my own _ ** _fucking_ ** _ words against me. _ Mac’s eyes couldn’t roll any further back into his head no matter how hard he tried. “ _ Ugggghhhh _ ….. I fucking _ hate _ that voice, Charlie! You are so _ obnoxious _ when you do that voice!”

“Well, Mac,” Charlie continued smugly. “I wouldn’t have to _ use _ this voice if you would just _ stop _ trying to kick everyone’s _ ass. _” He sat up straight with his hand out expectantly.

Mac pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “We want people to _ change, _not get an ass-kicking.” The last words came out in a staccato rhythm.

“Thank you, Mac.” He grinned. He made no effort to hide his glowing feeling of self-righteousness. “Now, sir, _ nnnnnnnn _ what do you do when you _ want _ to kick someone’s ass?”

“I hate you _ so much _ , man.” Mac threw his head back and closed his eyes. He sighed. _ Fucking asshole can’t let a goddamn thing slide anymore. _ But he loved him for it. “We gotta reach out with _ god _ instead of _ fists _ .” He said. With his fist up. _ Good god, Charlie is the _ ** _worst._ **

Charlie nodded smugly and pat Mac on the arm to get his attention. Charlie looked him dead in the eyes and softened his voice in tone and pitch. “Good boy,” he said.

Mac slowly tilted his head--his eyes widening and lips curling into a smile. “Don’t you fucking pull that shit on me right now.”

“What? Why not?! ” Charlie started laughing so hard his face flushed. He tried to regain hold of himself. “I’m encouraging your _ good _ behavior.”

Mac cackled with his head in his hands. “_ Jesus Christ _, Charlie! “

Charlie sank a little in his seat. “You’re just laughing ‘cause you_ like _ it.”

Mac huffed air from his nose in amusement. “Well, yeah, but like… this is _ you _ , dude.” 

“So what? I’m sexy as shit, dude. You know it! I know it! The _ whole world _ knows it!” Charlie threw his hands out. “I mean, _ you’re _banging me.” 

Mac nodded in defeat. “Well, you got me there.”

“Yeah, I do.” Charlie grinned. “I got you with all _ sortsa _ words and shit.” An idea sparked in his mind and he brought his voice gravelled and low. “Whatever it takes to get you to grease up my _ gun. _” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Mac stared a moment. “Wait… are you making fun of _ Dennis? _ ” He threw his head back in laughter after Charlie nodded in response. “Dude, sometimes he said some hot shit, but yeah…” He grimaced. “Sometimes it was _ pretty bad. _ ” Almost immediately, he held up his index finger to Charlie. “But, _ Charlie! _ You’re not allowed to talk _ shit _ about someone else’s dirty talk!” He narrowed his eyes. “It’s like… a sex law, or something, you know?”

Charlie scoffed. “A _ sex _ law?”

“Yeah, dude. Like, you gotta let people do what they gotta do to get off, man. That shit gets so _ personal. _ Like, someone can say ‘daddy’ but they’re not actually picturing their dads in their heads, man. They’re like… picturing this whole list of things that they put on that word, you know? Like with the whole god-connection energy thing. You don’t picture the old dude, you just like… feel something in your gut or whatever.” Mac’s questioning look turned into a soft smile. “And think about it… if you’re right about everything, one day Dennis is going to hear _ your _dirty talk.”

Charlie stiffened his posture. “Oh shit.”

“Yeah, dude.” Mac’s eyes grew wide. “Did it just get _ real _ for ya?” 

“Shit, man. It did.” Charlie knew Dennis was coming back. But it was a feeling somewhere off in the back of his mind. Mac’s words somehow brought it a few steps forward. “But like… real in a _ good _ way, you know? Not in a _ bad _ way. Not a _ bad _kinda real.”

“But like… exciting?”

“Yeah, dude!” Charlie laughed. “That’s totally what it is. It’s like… _ exciting _, man.” He pulled his shoulders back. “But do we really want him back? I mean, not to toot my own trombone but we kinda got a good thing going and Dennis is kind of a handful. Do we really wanna deal with that shit?”

Mac sighed. “Dude. I mean…,” he wiped his mouth with his hand. “It’s Dennis. Like… _ this _ \--” he threw his finger back and forth between them. “--is because of _ him. _”

Charlie huffed and looked away. "You don't know that, dude."

“Uhh yeah I do, dumbass.” He pointed to the side. “He’s _kinda_ the one who started this whole thing.” Mac held his palm up with a shrug. “And like… he’s always wanted this. “ He pointed downward and made a circle with his finger. “All three of us.”

“_ We’ve _ always wanted it.” 

“Oh yeah?” Mac asked with a smirk.

“I mean… now that I been kinda look back and shit,” Charlie shrugged and his eyes focused on his hands. His feelings for Dennis were… _ complicated. _

“Dude.” Mac shook his head. “I woulda took this shit to the grave with me if it wasn’t for him. I woulda got married to someone I hated and popped out a bunch of kids and just put on a Straight Dad Show til I drank myself to death.” He sighed. “He.... made it all _ okay. _ ” He pursed his lips at Charlie. “I mean, you know what an uptight asshole he is. And _ he _ made the first move.” He scoffed and rolled his eyes, his mind filling up with a memory as Charlie listened. “ _ Dude, _ me and him one night were hanging out and I was kinda drunk and all over him ‘cause we were just going back and forth and laughing and shit and then he just... kissed me.” He smirked. “And he didn't pull back far enough, just like an inch and then I just started kissing him back because it was… _ okay _ . Like, he was saying it was okay.” Charlie nodded. “And all we did was make out.” He shrugged before tilting his head to the side. “I mean, we were kinda grinding on each other, but that was it. Aaaand at some point everything just... _ hit _ me and I panicked, dude!” He laughed and put his hand to his chest. “I started like _ hyperventilating _ and shit and I ran to my room and like the next morning--” His eyes went bright. “--he just pretended nothing happened. Just smiled and gave me coffee like… nothing.” His shoulders jumped. “Like maybe it was just a one time thing.” He laughed and threw his palm to his forehead. “But then it just kept happening _ every fucking night, dude _ .” Charlie laughed. “It was one of the _ best _ weeks of my _ life _ .” Mac laughed, too, and rolled his eyes. “But we couldn't _ talk _ about it. Couldn't _ mention _ it. Couldn't just fucking call it what it was.” He snickered and put his hand over his mouth. “But we kept going at it and I mean--” He huffed. “--it's _ us, _ so we had to turn it into a competition.” He shook his head. “But sometimes we weren't even playing the same game. We would get the roles all wrong. We'd fight and screw up and bang chicks and shit.” Mac groaned. “It was fucking awful, dude! All those years going back and forth. The good was _ so good _ , but the bad was _ fucking awful. _”

Charlie perked up, anxiously. “But that’s like… not how it is with us, right?”

“No way, dude!” Mac jolted. “Buuut what do you mean?”

“Like… when me and you are bad…” He scratched the back of his neck. “Is it … you know… _ bad? _ “

“No way, dude! No way!” Mac smiled and patted Charlie on the leg. “When me and you are bad, it’s like… you’re out there dealing with shit or I’m trying to deal with shit and like… we just can’t be around each other because we gotta deal with our shit on our own, you know?”

Charlie nodded. “Well, yeah. I need a lot of space, dude.” Too much time with others and he would start to lose himself, lose his way. … But too much time apart did the same thing.

“When me and Dennis were bad, we were like… _ so bad _ , dude. We would yell and fight and be so fucking petty and passive aggressive.” He scoffed. “We’d fight about everything but the _ real _ problem which was, ‘Hey, we’re in a relationship and we need to talk about it, but oh wait! We can’t because we’re _ not _ in a relationship, we’re just _ roommates who bang each other and spend every waking second together! _’” 

\----

_ “I plucked my _ ** _chest hairs_ ** _ for you, dude!” Mac shouted with his hands in the air. _

_ “Okay….” Dennis responded calmly from the kitchen table. ‘Oh this again? This bit?’ He thought to himself. ‘The superficial deflection created because he can't just _ ** _admit it._ ** _ ’ _

_ “That MEANS something!” Mac pointed with his lips in his teeth. _

_“Does it now?” Dennis asked with his eyebrows high before squeezing them together in feigned curiosity. “And what _**_is _**_that,_ _exactly, Mac? What does that _**_mean_**_?” His demeanor was fairly placid, but he was seething underneath his skin. ‘Say it, you _**_fucking_**_ asshole. Just_**_ fucking_**_ say it.’_

_ “You know what it means.” Mac turned away. _

_ “Obviously not, if I'm asking.” Dennis wore his look well, nonchalance in the face of fiery rage. Egging Mac on, begging him to burst. _

_ “You know what it means! You're the one good with all the...the-the-the--” _

_ “Words?” _

_“Yes, _**_asshole!_** **_Words!_**_” _

_ “Well, I can't use _ ** _words_ ** _ to describe something--” Dennis held his palm out. “--that I simply don't know.” _

_ “Oh, you don't know it? You don't know it, huh?” ‘I _ ** _know_ ** _ you feel it.’ Mac wanted to say as he could feel tears pooling in his eyes. ‘I've _ ** _ seen_ ** _ you feel it!’ He wanted to shout as images of he and Dennis passed through his mind. The ease with which they spoke sometimes. The way they could go back and forth for hours with smiles on their faces. That first week when they started…. _

_ “No,” Dennis replied with a light shrug. “I don’t.” He raised his palm to Mac. “Spell it out for me.” _

_ Mac dropped his shoulders and shook his head, the tears finally falling down his cheeks. “Fuck you,” he said and turned heel. He walked into his bedroom and slammed the door shut. _

_ Dennis remained seated, taking deep breaths as his entire body trembled. He wiped his lips with his hand. “ _ ** _Fuck_ ** _ you, too,” he spat out with a whisper. _

\----

“Me and you fight, dude, but we can talk about it,” Mac gestured to the room. “We gotta get high sometimes--”

“Not _ always! _ ” Charlie interrupted with his finger in the air.

“True!” Mac smiled. “And that’s progress!”

“Hell yeah, it is!” Charlie held his palm up and Mac slapped it.

Mac sighed as his mind shifted back. “You know, though, if he comes back, he’s gotta be like… different, you know what I mean?”

“No,” Charlie replied with a blank stare.

“Like, he can’t be the same Dennis from before. He’s gotta be able to talk about shit and like… _ admit _ to shit.”

“Right. Okay.” Charlie nodded with a stare just as blank.

“Okay,” Mac held his hands out because Charlie still wasn’t getting it. “If Dennis comes back and wants to be in our lives again, he has to admit that he’s in love with me.”

“But what if he’s not?”

“Dude.” Mac scoffed. “He’s_ totally _ in love with me. He’s always _ been _ in love with me.” He gave Charlie an incredulous look. “You don’t live with someone and bang ‘em all the time and like… talk ‘em through their little ‘ _ gay panic’ _ episodes if you’re not in love with ‘em.”

Charlie smirked and huffed air from his nose. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” His smile dropped and he bit his lip. “And he’s gotta like… stop banging chicks, too, man.”

Mac grimaced. “Yeaaahhhh.”

“H-how do you think we can get him to do that?”

Mac tilted his head to the side in thought. “We gotta offer him something better.” 

Charlie chuckled. “Better than banging chicks?” He scoffed. “There’s like… TONS of shit that’s better than banging chicks.”

“Well, DUH!” Mac rolled his eyes. “But it’s not about banging the chicks for Dennis. It’s like… _ other _ shit.”

“Yeah, _ other _ shit.” The images and voices and sirens in Charlie’s mind started to blare, but he was able to push them back down. He took a deep breath and a faint idea sparkled in his mind’s eye. “You know,” he began with a nod. “Leave that to me.” He continued nodding, his confidence growing as the pieces began to fall into place. “I think I can cover us on that front.” He rubbed his palms together as his eyes grew wide. “Yeahhhh…. Yes, yes, yes.” He laughed low and deviously. “I can cover us all _ sortsa _ ways on that.” He bit his lip. “Don’t you worry one bit, Mac.” A vision took over and he raised his chin. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head on that one, baby.” His whole body trembled with anticipation. “I know _ just _ what to do.”

Mac looked around, confused. “Uhhh…_ okay. _ “

“Yes,” Charlie replied, still nodding. “It _ will _ be okay. It will be all _ sortsa _ okay.” He grinned.

“Cool… cool, cool, cool.” He patted Charlie on the leg, letting his mind wander into whatever depths he had just found. Sometimes when Charlie got an idea in his head, there was nothing Mac could do to divert him. Just had to wait it out until Charlie calmed down.

“And he won’t even_ know _ . “ Charlie’s laughter grew louder, grew more menacing. “He won’t suspect a single _ thing _ .“ He chewed on his bottom lip with his eyes wide and maniacal. “He’ll be so _ surprised. _ “ He started palming himself over his jeans as his breaths quickened.

“Should I… should I leave or… ?” 

“He won’t know at _ all. _” Charlie moaned with a grin, squeezing his dick even harder. “Fuck,” he breathed out and started to undo his pants.

Mac held his palms out with a flat expression on his face. “I mean, I’m right here, dude. Do you wanna just bang _ me _ or… ?”

“What?” Charlie startled, finally remembering Mac was in the room. “Uhh…” He looked down at his dick in his hand. “Do whatever you want, man,” he spat out. He waved his free hand behind him as he got to his knees. “Just do it _ over there _ and shit.” He huffed and twisted his shoulders. “I’m tryin to bang _ Dennis _ right now,” he said and leaned forward with one fist in the mattress.

Mac rolled his eyes. “Alright, well, I guess I’ll _go_ _over there_.” He got off the bed and sat cross-legged against the door. He pulled his cock out of his boxers and watched Charlie.

“You were gone a long time, Dennis,” he said quietly to the image of the man in his mind, lying beneath him and soft as putty. “So so long,” he whispered as he slowly stroked himself. “You missed out on a lot.” He let out a brief moan to thought of Dennis staring up at him. He knew Dennis. He knew how the guy would react to his newfound sexual aggression. “Charlie’s different now.”

Mac nodded behind him, trying not to bust too soon because _ damn! _ this was a rare side of his man-friend.

“Mm-hmm.” Charlie bit his lip and his eyes grew wide. “Charlie _ fucks _ now.” He could see Dennis’ shocked expression--his jaw dropped, his mouth hanging open. “Bet you wish Charlie would fuck _ you _, huh?” He rubbed his cock with two fingers, from the base to the underside of his head and back down and back up and--”Bet you wish I’d fuck that pretty little mouth of yours, yeah?” He kept his strokes light, teasing himself, trying to escape into the dream. “Bet you wanna… lick me--” he breathed heavy. “Bet you wanna taste me.” He could see Dennis nodding. “Bet you wanna drink me up when I come.”

Mac’s skin was on fire at the sight and sound of Charlie. He pushed his back hard into the door and lifted his hips as he jerked himself off.

Charlie chuckled darkly. “Or maybe I fuck that tiny little hole of yours.” He made a circle with his index finger and thumb and began thrusting his hips. “Stretch you out _ nice _ and _ wide. _ ” He moaned again, picturing Dennis panting and sweating and nodding. “Yeah, you like that, huh?” He spread his legs and got lower on the bed. “Can’t believe it?” As he plunged into his hand, he imagined Dennis below him pushing back onto his cock. “Charlie’s got you speechless?” Dennis kept nodding in his head, jaw still dropped as he looked at Charlie over his shoulder. Charlie wished he could rub his hand up and down Dennis’ back, maybe lean forward and bite into his smooth, pale skin. His stomach jumped at the thought of Dennis groaning in pleasure, pleasure from _ him _ instead of Mac.

It took everything in Mac’s power to keep his mouth shut, to not curse or moan or do anything to distract Charlie from what he was doing because _ damn! _ He was rock hard and wishing he could fuck Charlie right now. Fuck Charlie while he was fucking Dennis. Like a big ol’ fuck-train. He briefly imagined Predator, the space monster, as the caboose. ** _Goddamnit_ ** _ , Charlie. _The thought vanished as he watched the man on the bed picking up the pace.

“Didn’t think I could do it, huh?” he asked. “Didn’t think I’d ever do nothin?” He wrapped his whole fist around his cock. He wanted to grab Dennis at the throat, lick up his neck, kiss him on the cheek as he pounded into him. “Well look who’s fuckin you now, _ Dennis. _ ” His eyes were squeezed tight as he stroked himself faster. He remembered all those years, the times when eye contact was hot and painful, when it was _ Mac _ who got in the way. And all Charlie wanted to do was to reach out, pull Dennis close, tell him that everything was gonna be okay while tugging him around. He imagined pulling Dennis’ hair, pressing tight against him, fucking him hard, fast, and deep. “I got you.” He groaned loud. “I got you, Dennis.” He could feel himself getting close. _ God! _ He wanted to squeeze Dennis’ cheeks and stare him in the eyes, force him to see his own reflection--years of heat brought into focus. ...But only if Dennis was willing and able to look. And in this fantasy, he most certainly was. In this fantasy, Dennis looked at Charlie with submissive carnal desire and said ‘yes’ to everything Charlie wanted to show him. “Yeah?” Another groan. “ _ Yeah? _ ” And in his mind, all Dennis ever wanted was Charlie. Never anyone else. Not even Mac. Just Charlie and Charlie’s dick and Charlie’s come and the safety that Charlie had to offer. Because he _ got _ Dennis. He understood him in a way that no one else could because Dennis never let anyone get close. Not even Mac. Charlie knew the painful self-hatred that Dennis fought with every day. He knew the immobilizing pressure of the demands Dennis placed upon himself. Because Charlie did it, too. “You’re not gonna wanna bang chicks after this, Dennis.” He grunted. “I’m gonna make you come _ so hard. _ ” So many years and now finally, Charlie could prove it. He could prove it to Dennis that it really _ would _ be okay. That there really _ was _ another side to all of it and Charlie wanted to hold his hand through it--give him someone tangible to please instead of all the goalpost-shifting voices in his head. Instead of some imaginary audience dictating his every move. Charlie wanted to be his audience. His director. His whole cast and crew. He wanted to give Dennis a safe stage to put on his show. Every fuck allowing Dennis to give the performance of a lifetime--but only for Charlie. Not a show he's done for all the stupid chicks or the shit he's done with Mac. Something just for them both. A small secret within the three of them.

But Dennis wasn’t there. It was just a picture hanging up in his head. “_Fuck_, Dennis!” And that picture was pissing him off and turning him on all at once. “I _got_ you, man. ” He pictured Dennis’ mouth around his cock again, pictured his eyes closed and moaning, savoring the bitter flavor of his skin and pre-come. Savoring the smell of his junk, mixed with the wet taste of Dennis’ own saliva, which was spilling down his chin and neck. In this fantasy, Dennis’ mouth was pure, dripping suction, massaging and stroking Charlie’s cock. “_Shit! _You got that good, good mouth,” he said as he pressed against Dennis’ cheek with his fingers, feeling himself as he slid against Dennis’ tongue. He wanted to bottom out, fuck Dennis in the throat while petting his head sweetly and tenderly. “Drink it up. Drink it up, you fucking asshole.” And Dennis was happy to, not a flinch in sight--just desperate to suck down every last drop as if he had been thirsting for years and Charlie was his lush oasis, quenching the dry emptiness inside himself. Dennis pulled a way with a wet gasp, moaning and hopeless for his own release. Charlie choked out one last groan, rough and low, and his body twitched as he came onto the bed. “Drink me _up_…” He kept stroking, milking himself dry with a grunt. “_Shit. _”

Mac felt dizzy and hot and--

“Oh shit, you’re still there?” Charlie turned to him surprised.

Mac nodded, biting his lip. His hips were jumping as he stared at Charlie with glazed eyes. 

“Keep going, man. Keep going,” he said with softly, a heat filling his stomach again. He stayed in his position on the bed and watched. 

Mac nodded again, focusing on Charlie as he stroked himself faster. He pushed his back into the door even harder, lifting his hips straight and groaning. 

“Yeah, keep it up,” Charlie said while he maintained eye contact. "Keep it up."

Mac’s mouth hung wide open, panting, and his whole body was on fire under Charlie’s warm gaze. Charlie was watching him and breathing heavy and Charlie knew him so well that he could read his fucking _mind _sometimes and _sure, they were stoned,_ but also Charlie was _right. in. there._ _Right _inside Mac’s head, as if it was _Charlie_ stroking him and whispering words in his ear. And it was _Charlie’s_ hand jerking him off. But _Charlie_ was across the room _watching_ like he’s done so many times before. Watching and staring at Mac with the most obvious fucking full-bodied _fascination. _Charlie could watch him for hours. Just stare at him. Smile, nod, bite his lips at all of Mac’s expressions as he got himself off watching Mac get off. And part of it was all those times it was _Dennis_ getting Mac off, but all Mac could do was stare at Charlie. And how Charlie would look back at Mac like he was getting revenge on Dennis--by getting all the attention while Dennis did all the work. And how they would just _grin _at each other because they_ knew._ They were both thinking the same fucking thing. And it had been their own little secret within the bigger secret of the three of them. 

“Show me, man. Show me how you come.”

Mac nodded and groaned, feeling Charlie stab right through every barrier he’s ever put up. Charlie knew everything there was to know about Mac and could still make him feel interesting and worthwhile and desired. All those years going back and forth with Dennis, but Charlie was his constant--his stability--his safe-haven. Mac had done almost everything imaginable in front of Charlie and Charlie _ still _ somehow got it up for him. 

_ Still? _ Mac thought with a heated sigh. _ He really _ ** _does_ ** _ love me. He really _ ** _does_ ** _ want me. _“Yeah, I wanna show you--”

“Show me. Show me how you come.”

Mac grunted. “Yeah, I’ll show ya. I’ll show ya.”

“Come for me, man. Come for me.”

Suddenly, all the memories and heat filled his head, and he spilled into his hand with a shout, and keened as his dick pumped again and again. “_ Fuck _ ,” he sighed. “Holy _ shit. _ ” He shook his head and blinked a few times. “What the _ fuck _, man,” he breathed out.

Charlie chuckled. “Yeah, I got you with all _ sortsa _ words and shit.”

“Jesus _ Christ _, dude.” Mac took a deep breath. “We gotta… we gotta--”

“Clean up?” Charlie finished the sentence for him. “Heh, yeah. I hate when it dries on me.” He looked around at the piles of trash and the empty pizza boxes and the smashed beer cans. “I kinda did a number on this_ room _, too.”

Mac nodded, still dazed from his orgasm.

“Oh shit,” Charlie perked. “I think I heard your stomach growl before. Dude, I’m hungry, too.” He climbed off the bed and shuffled toward Mac with his underwear still pulled to his thighs and his softening dick still out in the open. 

“I got uhh… _ chicken _ in the fridge,” said Mac as Charlie nudged him with a kick of his foot.

Charlie chuckled. “Dude, I am not in the mood for beak, alright?” 

Mac stared at him with his eyebrows squeezed together. “Uhh… it’s not a _ whole _ chicken, dude. It’s just chicken _ meat. _”

“Just the _ meat? _ DUDE! Why do you always buy _ just the meat? _ I _ told _ you you gotta buy the _ whole chicken, dude _ \--and use all it’s parts!” He scoffed as he slowly made his way to the bathroom to clean himself up. “Me and Dee were making, like, these sweet-ass pillows with the feathers and selling ‘em online and I’ve been using the bones in my sculptures and shit.” Mac could still hear him from the bathroom. “Dude, I’ve been doing some weird shit with my art, man. Like I’m all into this hot glue and bones thing, bro.” Mac heard him clap his hands. “Like I’m making bird cages out of bird bones and like the bird inside is made outta the guts covered in like this… shiny clear gel stuff that like… freezes it or whatever and it’s like a ghoul, you know? Like my soul? So also the cage is more than a cage ‘cause it’s like a spaceship, too, you know what I mean? Like there’s all these layers to it and shit and my mind is just like WHOA making all these _ connections _, dude.” Mac slowly finds the strength to stand, still coming down. “My art show is gonna be fucking sweet, dude. We gotta get like… good looking shelves and stuff for my little spaceships, bro.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, man,” said Mac through the haze of his mind. “Just uhh… make me a list.” He shook his head, trying to get his eyes to see straight.

Charlie huffed out a laugh as he walked back into the Smoke Room. “Oh don’t worry, dude. I got a huge fucking list going. This shit is gonna be _ sweet _ ‘cause it’s gonna be _ my _ way. ”

“Yeah, dude,” Mac waved him off. “_ Your _ way, totally.”

They spend two weeks preparing, always looking over their shoulders, sending themselves into a panic at the thought of Dennis arriving before everything is in order. But when he doesn’t show up after they immediately finished their tasks, the fire in their feet died and they were heartbroken and disappointed.

Mac sighed. “Well, I guess we just _ wait _now.”

“Yeah, but like… we still got _ us _, you know?”

“Yeah, man. We do.” Mac looked over and smiled. He grabbed Charlie’s shirt near his waist, beckoning him closer. 

"Wanna go bang in his bed again?" 

"YES!"

"We should rub our balls over all his shit, too!” Charlie laughed.

"LET’S DO IT!”

**Author's Note:**

> Charlie was the mastermind of Boys Night Part Deux, mwahahaha!
> 
> Comments keep me going! Even if it's just one word!
> 
> \---hit me up if I'm missing any pertinent tags, please. :)


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